We’ve all seen what stalking looks like in the movies. 

Crazy …  star stuck … obsessive …

A person who creeps on and is obsessive in their interest in another person.

Often it is depicted as someone who is a stranger, someone the victim isn’t even aware of. 

While approximately 23% of the time this is accurate, the other 63% of the time the stalker is someone you know and may have even once loved (or still do).

So what does ‘real-life’ stalking? look like? 

Here are a few ways stalking shows up off the big screen:  

  • Driving by or frequently hanging out at or around your home, school, or work. 
    • This can escalate into breaking into your home.
  • Unsolicited and/or excessive attempts to contact you. 
    • Multiple calls, texts, voicemails, snapchats, messenger, etc. 
    • Blowing up your phone (or a friend or family members phone)  
    • Contacting you multiple times via multiple platforms.
    • Dropping by your house unannounced.
  • Vandalizing of property; such as 
    • slashing tires,
    • writing on car windows,
    • egging property, etc.
  • Invading someone’s privacy
    • Checking your location and/or activity logs on social media. 
    • Checking your email and/or messages. 
    • Going into your home, reading your mail, accessing your work files, etc.  
  • Spying on, harassing, following, and/or threatening someone 
    • in public, 
    • at home, 
    • or your place of work.
  • Spreading rumors by word of mouth or via social networking. 
    • Through revenge porn.
    • Posting secrets and other personal details online.
  • Repeatedly sending, or leaving, unwanted gift, flowers, etc
    • Sending flowers to your place of business, 
    • dropping off gifts,
    • or even having them mailed to your home.  
  • Gathering personal information 
    • accessing public records, 
    • internet searches,
    • hiring private investigators,
    • hacking into emails and social media,
    • going through trash, etc.
  • Making direct or indirect threats.
    • May make threats against you, your family, friends, even pets. These threats may seem outlandish but should always be taken seriously. 
  • Asking friends or family about you to the point that causes concern. 
    • Trying to win over your family and friends
    • Trying to make you look like the bad guy. 
      • This is often the case after a break-up. 
  • Other actions or attempts to control, track or frighten you

    • You know when something isn’t right, trust your gut! 

A few facts about stalking:

In the United States alone, it’s estimated that:

  •  7.5 million people are stalked each year.
  •  87% of stalkers are men.
  • 16.7% of women and 5.8% of men have been victims of stalking at some point,   according to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey.
  • In 67% of the cases, the stalker is a current, or ex-partner, seeking revenge, reconciliation, or regained attachment with the victim.  
  • 10% of victims reported being stalked via GPS and 8% reported being monitored through digital video or listening devices. 
  • 76% of women murdered by an intimate partner were stalked first.
  • 85% of women who survive attempts on their life were stalked first.
  • 54% of femicide victims reported stalking to the police before they were killed.  

So what to do???

  • If you feel like you are being stalked, tell someone! 
    • Call 911 if you are in immediate danger! 
    • Tell as many people as you feel safe telling. 
    • Reach out to a DV advocate, regardless of whether you know your stalker or not, they can help! 
    • Make a report with your local law enforcement. 
      • If you feel uncomfortable going alone, an advocate can accompany you. Even if charges cannot be filed it is best to have the incidents on record. 
  • Be tech safe 
    • Make sure you have several different passwords and you change them frequently. 
    • Have your electronics professionally checked for spyware apps. 
  • Have ZERO communication with them

    • Block them on all forms of communication; email, phone, social media, etc. 

    • If you see them in public, ignore them, do not confront them. 

  • Document EVERYTHING

    • Screenshots, emails, journaling, do everything you can to document the stalking.

  • Keep your phone location off

    • Always tell a trusted friend or family member where you are going to be.

    • Remember, not all of your social media “friends” are friends, if you share your location privately, it could be shared with your stalker. 

  • Talk to an advocate

    • Nebraska’s judicial system offers harassment protection orders – talk to an advocate to see if this would be a valuable piece of your safety plan.

    • In addition to helping you file a harassment protection order, an advocate can provide support and help you form a well-rounded safety plan. 

Remember, always trust your instincts! If you feel you are unsafe, you likely are! 

We are here to help. Our crisis line is 877-379-3798, we have offices in Norfolk, O’Neill, and Ainsworth.